Sunday, March 05, 2006
I shouldn't be calling it my past but it seems to be my past to me.
The moment i moved, i felt that i'll be miserable here, i'll lose everything that seemed so dear to me in hougang.
My friends, how am i supposed to go on with life without friends? I felt like killing myself.
Now, i seem to forget i used to have these friends and that im used to the life im having right now.
Once in a while, i think back, think back to the times where i was in xinghua, where i felt so warm, where i felt i had a family. I think back of my old house which is now rented out to other people. The flat i used to live in.
I remember. I wake up in the morning, i get dressed and i get fetched to school. I dont have the bloody homeroom system and i go straight to my classroom. There i meet my classmates. ok. Then it's the whole day of school. During recess, i hated to go down to the canteen, because there are many people whom i dont know, or dislike. I just like to be with people whom i know.
I starve myself, just because i dont want to mix with all these people, i dont feel very right in the canteen. ok. i sometimes bring my own food.
After school i walk home or sometimes go heartland mall or macs with my friends. Sometimes we go to jaz's house or shuang yu's house. We have fun.
On saturdays, my cousins come over. My grandparent's house is just next door. We play and have fun in my house. During dinner time, we go over next door and have our dinner. We couldn't wait to go back and continue playing.
When it's late at night, my cousins go back next door and we go to sleep while my dad and my aunties and uncles continue playing mahjong.
When its 12 midnight, my dad sneaks into the house and goes into his room.
On sundays, we go to chai chee to visit my mother's parents. After eating, we go to the rooms and sleep like pigs.
On normal days, my grandparents would sometime drop by to give us food. ding dong. well, we all rushed into hiding places. I just dont know why. To think about it, we were being mean. Even the maid we used to have went to hide! But soon, someone would go and talk to them because it was really rude.
Now, i respect all 4 of my grandparents. i love them. i now understand how to appreciate them. We were all once ignorant children. how rude we were!
We moved. I went into a school with people whom i dont know. Every one knew at least one friend or more. I knew jen, my cousin, whom we haven't talked for years, we only knew how to look at each other and nv said a word.
I was terribly sad even though i had a nicer home. It took me a long time to start to feel more free in this school. Only this year did i feel free. Last year was a time where i had to be in a school with strangers.
I felt sad. miserable. i missed xinghua. Great, all my friends went to bartley, serangoon, etc.. with at least friends that they were close to. while i was just faraway in a part of singapore i've nv been in.
I remember how i used to talk on the phone for hours in hougang. But when i moved, all the talking stopped, also there were no new people to chat on the phone with. I found that the people in this area dont really suit me. some, but not all.
I'm still glad i moved, although this made me lose many friends, but i'm glad i got into twe. Twe made me feel happy, at least quite happy. Sometimes sad, sometimes happy.
I just miss hougang a lot. Its just cosy. I've lived there for like.. 6-7 years. I know some of the people living there. I mean the place is like a town. It just feels so right.
Simei. i've only lived here for 1 + years. Its like.. it still doesn't feel cosy yet. I haven't really quite settled down. I only know that this house that i'm living in is my home. and i only feel nice in this home im in. Its the only place i feel right in this stranger part of singapore.
I'm stick to myself and people whom i know. I dont like to get close to people i dont know. I dont really like to talk most of the times. Being quiet is just so nice. But talking is also fun.
Now with the home room system, we have to put our bags in the canteen and eat!. WOW. where do our butts go with the bags on the benches? With this system, i can stay in the classroom, away from the rest of the school. i have to see alien faces, of which i dont want to. I have to go buy things, near those strangers. I just feel so weird.
I sometimes just have a thinking that i dont quite fit in here. On special days, i can hear and see my schmates saying 'hey, let's go! quick! i can't wait to go back to my pri sch!' GREAT! THAT'S SO GREAT FOR YOU PEOPLE!
your get to go back to your primary school which is like a few bus stops away? a few mrt stops away? WOW. THAT'S GREAT!.
I envy you people. I'm like thinkin, how in the world am i going to go back to xinghua pri? ok. lemme see. take mrt? ok. take until u die. take bus? change bus until u die. it'll all take abt an hour. Go back so what? What if when i reach there, its like over. everybody's rushing home.
And if i go there for like mayb an hour? ok. i have to spend another hour going back. I just feel like its so hard to just go back to my pri school. I actually feel so sad i feel like breaking down.
I can only say i miss hougang.
always a twemasekian `10:13:00 pm
